Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What a dumb baby whore.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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