why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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