Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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