i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
