Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
