I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
FUCK WHALES
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
