I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
