Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
