So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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