I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
