Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
