We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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