i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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