iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
