Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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