new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
it hurts more in the daytime
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
