if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We need to get me chipped asap
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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