Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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