she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
