he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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