I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
