Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
