last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
