Your tits are I can't wait for
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
