Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
