I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
the raccoons are back...
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