oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
