chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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