I am full of burrito and curiosity
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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