She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
