i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
