I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
