:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
