Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
