Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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