Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
