please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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