I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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