Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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