You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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