It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Who cares if heβs younger, heβs hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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