Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
