wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
