just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
