It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
