Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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