I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
