The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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