id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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