You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
