Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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